the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
