Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
