the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
