I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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