mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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