he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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