I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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