I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
