She is in my trunk
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
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He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
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You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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