I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
