the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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