Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
