LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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