I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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