My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
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Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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