I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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