Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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