i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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