Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
