He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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