If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Drunk is not a location!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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