I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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