ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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