ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just cropdusted the office
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize