I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize