I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it hurts more in the daytime
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
