I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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