yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
