my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
