She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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