She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
