So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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