Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
