i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
