You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
