I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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