I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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