i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
