and next time when you feel me up, do it right
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
