Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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