haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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