four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
