y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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