Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
