Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
