Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
