HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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