at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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