her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
