I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize