We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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