Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
