I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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