Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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