recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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