I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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