listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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