You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He better not be in your backpack
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
