Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
