I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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