I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
