i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
